8. I Do Not Like You

And you don‘t like me.

It seems that I have created a conflict, rather than a solution to a problem. A conflict that has cursed at me every time I tried to do anything at all.

A contradiction inside of me, that just gave me a good and a bad option, which produced the exact opposite reaction by the Reality.

I‘m trying to protect you, because I‘m aware of my darkness once you inflict damage to my hurtable ability to Dream.

I‘m capable of nice things. I‘m protecting them with the face of danger if you wrong them.

–

There‘s something wrong in me according to the Reality. That‘s why I protect it with the idea of nice that comes from me. I don‘t want bad things to happen to me and I don‘t want to do bad things to you.

Don‘t give me a reason to hate.

I like it, because I choose not to hate you.

The entity is rather unhappy with the hypocritical nature of its ability to observe because the observation can be provoked to protect its own perception of good, by doing bad to someone.

Do I have to decide if the Reality is good or bad?

Do I have to decide is it good, to be good? Or to not be bad?

What if it‘s bad by my standard, but I have to accept that it‘s good, towards the Reality, or my own good?

Then why exactly are all superheroes, porn, and desires of euphoria are drawn as nice and good in the Reality, with the moral standard of love, when they‘re completely incapable of distinguishing using someone versus BEING OF ANY USE??

You‘re not my eyes, and you‘re not my sun that shines on things, you‘re a big fucking obstacle towards a simple decision on what to do.

Everything just blinds me, confuses and makes me accept emotion as a decision, just to get out of this Obscurity of lack of communication.

–

The music becomes really complex, and has a deep embedded meaning of having something to say, rather than saying it. You’d say it becomes conceptual, because my beauty is obstructed by the thought of response to it, acceptance, and fucked up integrity of Reality that‘s provoking my responses to protect the …Dream.

I‘m angry because I‘m not able to be good.

The problem is that I want to be good..?

–

I do a good thing – shine light on something possible, and you put me into a psychiatrist’s office, explaining that it’s wrong to belittle people who make fun of me. They’re exactly like me, trying to fit in to be cool.

So that‘s what I do you moron, I act as the cooler one. They belittle everyone.

I do this to protect the Dream.

Because if I get depressed by being completely unapproved by Reality, I become really, really mean to everyone. And I don‘t want to do it.

And the entity that has the morality is just screaming in pain all the time.

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

–

The music starts to lack melodies, which I ascribed as „emotional reaction“.

I’d rather have it sleep, instead of facing the hypocritical Reality.

And I‘m protecting you, from coming in and damaging it.

Because if you do, I will do really bad things to you.

–

Is there a difference between good and bad?

Good protects the weak?

But being weak is bad because your good is not set. That‘s why you have no reason to protect it – get better at yourself to do it.

„I want nice and fuck“. Is it even good to protect these people?

Their good is so weak, it can simply be protected by a projection of Fantasy on everyone else.

My good is so set, that I‘m checking for signs of it using communication.

You want to do bad things to good people? You‘re bad.

You want to do bad things to bad people? You‘re good.

You want to do good things to bad people? You‘re good.

You want to do good things to good people? You‘re good.

Then why the only good people are the ones that do bad things to good people? Not listen, shut up, agree to everyone who is even worse than them, and just continue their Fantasy of being a porn superhero?

Is it fear, or are they actually that empty and boring?

Here I am, unable to distinguish good from bad.

It presents itself as a Contradiction.

And I want to do bad things to everyone.

Because I get punishment the second I try to do good things.

Because my good doesn’t align with your good.

Your Bias is „correctness“.

My Bias is performance.

We‘re not the same.

And I do not like you.

–

I do not like the good part of me, because it makes me miserable.

The good part of me doesn‘t like the mean part of me, because it makes me protective – I cease to perform in order to not do bad things to people that do good things by my Bias.

Is it wrong to have a standard of good, that is different from the Reality?

If the Reality makes me feel bad, then how am I able to judge it as good? How the fuck am I supposed to decide?
This Reality doesn‘t communicate and doesn‘t speak the language that is capable of containing the information needed to judge if it‘s good.

–

You do not know what is happening inside my head while you keep pushing, and then you won‘t listen.

I want to skin you alive, rip your entire body to pieces and hang this shit to dry in the sun that you forced me to put to sleep – a display of you being the mindless, spineless piece of pathetic waste of oxygen.

Tell everyone not to be like this motherfucker. Because I‘d be more than willing to do things like these to them.

I want to do it.

Every each of you deserve to die.

Because you are not good, you are not capable of being good and your definition of good ends the moment your fantasy of nice and fuck doesn‘t apply.

And I hate being in this position more than I hate you.

–

This is probably the darkest moment of subconscious darkness – being completely muted by the fear of my own capability to go totally insane by the standard of hypocritical Reality.

I cease to like anything. What is left from approval for approvable things?

I learnt to adapt to the Reality in such a way, that dominant parts in the conditions start to dominate.

If this world operates by force of danger, so be it.

If your good is valued by your ability to manipulate the Reality with desires of nice and fuck, so be it.

In my eyes, that‘s an insolveable problem, which stands for being a condition.

And if the conditions tell you, that the best performance can be achieved by being a manipulative fucking piece of human garbage that doesn’t care – I have all the hate for the Reality to be more than capable of giving you that. I have a Dream that I want to fulfill.

Except that the same energy I used to protect the good, I am using to attack the „none“ – the Obscurity.

The emptiness that this Reality has created:

The Obscurity of non-existent communication:

The Dream that cannot live alongside a player of both ends.

–

I do not like anything at all.

Nothing seems to be enjoyable or engaging. Not really. You like it because someone else approves it. But it doesn’t give you the Feedback to keep doing it. Because you have no reason to believe it.

Your approval is you not having an opinion.

So why on earth, I should do anything for you?

I don‘t even know if you would like it.

I do not like you, I say to each other.

That‘s why I no longer speak.