Album length – 1:29:04
Finished on 2008
Released on 2024-12-16
Released on Electron Emitter

 

Released under alias Au.B.

 

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This is what people said about this music and what this music said about theirs.

 

You want all music to be about euphoria to fuel your fantasy driven life, while this music is about the joy of discovery, to fuel the exploration of the way this universe operates.

 

It’s boring to you, because you like to fuel your euphoria driven fantasy. Your music is boring to me because it is all the same – tup tis to tis.

 

 

Part 6 out of 8 from Joy of Creation.

 


6. Your Music Is Boring

 

This is a statement people said about my music and what I said about theirs.

 

They didn‘t like my music because it was incomprehensible and too difficult, chaotic or sad. Therefore – boring!

 

Why? Because my music didn‘t engage in their desires for euphoria, like dancing, hopeless and useless declarations of love, money, and ass. It wasn’t fun for them, that’s why it was boring.

 

Their music was boring to me because it was all the same – desires for the aforementioned things.

 

Music does not have to be designed to make you feel good. Music is a language and you can say whatever you want.

 

So I understood that the only thing that matters is whether I can find someone who understands this language – my characteristic way of using it and establishing a connection.

 

The connections boring people had on offer with their music were just a manipulation with the barely existent morality, so they’d get some nice and fuck.

 

 

I consider this album the peak of my creative enjoyment – it was the perfect balance of giving only a certain amount of fucks, pressure of not doing, reason for doing it, exploration, discovery, first experiences, learning and already being able to explain.

 

And this album, makes me recall this highest point in life, when it was perfectly balanced, producing the best results from my abilities at the time.

 

Of course, later on, I would design my own instruments and reverbs, shape every single overtone, but in those days I only knew the basics of FL Studio 5.

 

And I could make something that is still stuck in my head to this day, in a couple of hours. Nothing that I‘ve heard in life is able to beat the pure joy of doing it, that has inscripted itself into the tracks that I‘ve made.

 

That is exactly the reason why Joy of Creation is named this way. It was a fun activity.

 

And I can‘t fathom why everyone seemed to have such a big problem with me. Why is it a problem that I want to speak? You feed me an information, I give you an interpretation. You don‘t give me information, I‘ll discover something on my own.

 

 

The music they listened to was simply described as tup-tis-to-tis and it was my argument every time. You listen to tup-tis-to-tis. It‘s been used before, this track has already been played. You‘re listening to exactly the same thing.

 

They would rant that it‘s the differences that matter.

 

Sure, print a fucking book using a different font it changes the book, doesn‘t it?

 

Write exactly the same things, but using different languages, formatting, or simply explaining them differently.

 

The information embedded is still the same. The only thing interesting would be the way people describe the same things differently. At least?

 

But they manage to explain everything exactly the same by not explaining it at all – just feel good vibes man.
„I like nice and fuck.“

 

I‘ve heard it already, it‘s a lie.

 

„It‘s not a lie.“

 

Then why do you have to remind yourself of the desire, every time? Having trouble doing stuff?

 

„I don‘t want to do anything at all. Why do I have to do anything? I like nice and fuck.“

 

I cannot stand this insane ignorance of the conditions and being oblivious to the mysteries and treasures of the world you could search for, if you had a toolkit armed with appropriate information.

 

But no, they choose TV and porn with superheroes in them, because they can’t get their ass off a chair, to go and become something they wish they could be.

 

But can‘t.

 

Because „I like nice and fuck.“

 

Being a superhero would give you a lot of nice and fuck, wouldn‘t it?

 

Yes. But it requires a bit of not fucking nice. Oh no. Morality.

 

And the reality starts to look pathetic, once you start to see everyone as animals, whose objective is to be attracted to nice and fuck.

 

 

If you made music, it would be boring, because you can‘t even perceive your own story, let alone have an idea of one. And that‘s why it‘s offensive to you that I don‘t want to be as garbage as you – talking only about things that make you feel good.

 

The nice things are available for those who get up and try to get them, instead of fantasising about them.
Fucking tup-tis-to-tis and fucking is not the definition of nice.

 

Idolizing something made with the purpose to make you desire nice and fuck – is not nice.

 

Being someone capable of achieving that – is not nice.

 

Your dream is not a Dream. It‘s a fantasy.

 

Your fantasy is not full of ideas and their explanations. It’s repulsive because it’s a fucking superhero porn movie with expensive shiny things and you not getting fat because it’s a fantasy.

 

 

I shouldn‘t be offensive. It‘s bad. I‘m “nice and creative and smart“.

 

Why can‘t I defend things that I like, but you can.

 

Because it‘s morally right?

 

Then let me make my fucking noises. Just fucking admit that I don‘t like it and stop forcing me to like something that you benefit from.

 

I‘m not forcing you to listen, but I will be disappointed. And that‘s fine. I‘ll go somewhere else.

 

Do you want to be my friend, or do you want more firepower for your nice and fuck? Or are you trying to manipulate me into believing your morality? Reveal yourself! Things you like tell me more about you, than your explanation of why you like them.

 

Else is boring, since I‘m not going to solve the riddles that are being produced by your lack of self-awareness.

 

 

The problem could be solved very easily – just don‘t be like that. Being disapproved at the age of 12 feels completely different, compared to being disapproved today.

 

You’re a lot more malleable, shapeable, and makeable into something else. It‘s only a question of pressure.

 

Except that I had a very good armoury for resistance – I knew what I liked and disliked. And I knew why. I was able to explain. It was hard to disprove my own morality to me, since my theories explained everything to me, I didn‘t even raise a question.

 

You‘re all just fucking boring idiots, with your faces up the satisfactory boring all-the-same games and shows of nice and fuck.

 

Having nothing else on offer.

 

I liked music more, than anything else they would try to make me desire. I could make entire worlds with it.

 

I refused to become boring by my standards. Because I‘d be bored in life, wouldn‘t do anything and it would just stay that way.

 

 

It wasn‘t my pure willpower or some moral superiority that managed to protect my standards.

 

It‘s the fact that people have no inner moral compass on their own, or won‘t act on it. They will act on the moral standard of the conditions, playing with good and bad, and claiming they are almighty as if they could choose. Hypocrites.

 

Then they belittle others for their weakness.

 

They didn‘t have a moral standard, they just wanted more security for their nice and fuck.

 

Everyone else ends up being affected by someone else‘s bloated ego, meant to seize control over their own insecurity of not getting nice and fuck.

 

What I simply did was protect what everyone didn’t know they wanted to possess – ability to understand.
„If I were you I would be on top of the world“.

 

Unfortunately, I‘m me, and you are you, and being me makes it unbearable being next to you, who is constantly questioning everything I do.

 

I already do the same things in my mind to you – I show off my skill, because I like not being useless, belittle others for being stupid and boring, and my moral standards revolve around my interests – establishing meaningful connections to gain positive influence on my own, or our mutual performance.

 

Therefore I‘m no different, except what I search for is performance, rather than pleasure.

 

If you become a problem – you require a solution.

 

If you are insolvable – you become a condition.

 

And the conditions were idiotic.

 

I just couldn‘t believe how stupid everyone seemed to be.

 

 

I never really put any effort in school, not really. I just did things because I got annoyed to hell, or gatekeeped from my desire – ability to make music.

 

When I had to because adults – I would do it, but sure as hell everyone else would feel how much I didn‘t want to do it. Balancing on the line of punishable for my behaviour and doing the bare minimum. Because fuck you – you blame me and then ask me to comply?

 

Some things I simply straightforwardly refused, because that would make me a hypocrite, or would be morally wrong. Nothing in hell could make me do that, therefore all of said hell would ensue afterwards.

 

 

I managed to simply finish school effortlessly if the grades were the only metric of difficulty.

 

I never really had to learn anything, as I recall. I just figured out what’s the bare required minimum to make them fuck off, understood the sum of required answers, and gave them exactly what I have planned.

 

Except that I‘m so smart creative and nice, having bad grades. This hell‘s music that I‘m making, is the reason!

 

Let‘s add more pressure. I continue to resist. Grades get even lower. The more pressure you add, the less fucks I‘m going to give.

 

 

Except that once you contradict someone bad enough, the subconscious mind steps in for protection – reality starts looking like some sort of obscurity, that looks scary and shouldn‘t even be touched.

 

And here comes insomnia, which starts to creep in, slowly becoming a problem for everything.

 

But oh no, you fucking mindless spineless waste of human garbage, my noises is the problem, that‘s why I can‘t sleep. I should, you know. Just sleep.

 

What happens is the suppression of my ability to communicate.

 

Why? I start to lose the ability to understand. If I can‘t understand what is being communicated to me, then I have nothing to communicate about. It wasn’t me, it was the sun shining on the world going to sleep instead.

 

And so, music goes with it.

 

 

And on that depressive note, the track 20 – Sun Sleep, is just something completely off the charts of my ability to make sad music.

 

As I mentioned, this period is the one where I was able to use my abilities the most efficiently, that includes being transparent to the idea that I‘m explaining.

 

A grown-ass adult will describe sadness in a very logical manner, of things not turning out and that‘s how it is because blabla, as somewhat intertwined with responsibility and being boring.

 

Here, it’s a 12-year-old, having his eyes ripped out, face and smile sanded by shards of broken dreams that are trying to teach life, as if they cared with their little repulsive fantasies.

 

If you ask me how depression feels like, it‘s this.

 

It‘s the loss of inner peace, with no hopes of getting it back.

 

And I‘m no longer able to describe that depth of pure sadness, mainly because I learnt to ignore, resist or deny the reality for my own performance advantage.

 

I have confirmed it‘s pathetic beyond belief. Move on. Don‘t try to believe it. Happiness is a curse. I understand responsibility. My objective is not to give a fuck.

 

It‘s the fact that reality is already dead.

 

I have no reason to expect peace.

 

And it becomes my fantasy.

 

Let‘s try again.